Le Cinq, the flagship three-star Michelin restaurant at the George V Hotel in Paris, was a culinary disaster. It was, in fact, the worst restaurant experience I have endured in my 18 years of reviewing. This is not an easy feat to achieve, but Le Cinq managed to disappoint on every level.
I visited Le Cinq hoping for a classic Parisian gastro-palace experience – a luxurious setting, exceptional food, and the kind of bliss only a hefty price tag can buy. However, the reality was far from my expectations.
A Setting of Opulence and Pretension
The dining room, located deep within the hotel, is a vast space with high ceilings, thick carpets, and a color palette of taupes, biscuits, and a touch of gold. The overall effect is one of opulent wealth, with a clear message: this is a place designed for those who are unfamiliar with the concept of guilt. The room feels like a place where money is thrown around with the same reckless abandon that football fans hurl insults at referees.
A Menu of Astronomical Prices and Spherified Disappointments
The menus, towering like Richard Osman, were presented with prices that left me gasping for breath. Starters and mains ranged from €70 to €140, which equates to approximately £121 for a single plate of food!
The canapés and amuse-bouches, while technically interesting, were far from delicious. The spherifications, those gel globes perfected by Ferran Adrià, were particularly disappointing. One, a translucent ball that looked like a silicone breast implant, released stale air with a faint hint of ginger. It was like eating a dusty, forgotten condom.
A Symphony of Acidity and Uninspired Flavors
The kitchen’s obsession with acidity was apparent in almost every dish. The scallop mush enclosed in a tuile was a prime example, showcasing a blunt acidity that resembled the polish used on dull brass coins. The passionfruit amuse-bouche, filled with a watercress purée, tasted only of the plant’s most bitter notes, leaving my lips puckered like a cat’s behind that’s brushed against nettles.
Disappointment from Starter to Dessert
The gratinated onions – a classic Parisian dish – were blackened and sticky, with jarring bursts of spherified onion purée. The raw marinated scallops with sea urchin ice cream, while innovative, lacked any real wow factor. Sea urchin ice cream, after all, was a common find on American cooking shows back in the 90s.
The pigeon, ordered medium, was served so pink it seemed ready to take flight. The accompanying Japanese pear and watercress purée were drenched in acidity, while the couscous tasted bland and lacked any discernible lamb flavor.
The frozen chocolate mousse cigars were acceptable, but the cheesecake with lumps of frozen parsley powder was truly atrocious. The parsley, usually delightful with fish, tasted like grass clippings in the cheesecake. I was relieved when the waitress, despite initially claiming it was “great,” agreed to remove it from the bill.
A Price Tag that Belied the Quality
Despite the subpar food, we enjoyed a few glasses of wine, chosen for us by the sommelier from a wine list that included bottles priced at €15,000. The final bill, €600, was outrageous, especially considering that I have enjoyed meals of far superior quality at a fraction of the cost elsewhere.
A Reminder that Price Doesn’t Guarantee Quality
Le Cinq is a prime example that price does not always equate to quality. While some may enjoy the prestige and opulence of the setting, the food was simply not worth the exorbitant cost.
I have spent large sums of money on exceptional restaurant experiences in the past, but they have always been justified by the quality of the food. Le Cinq, however, left me with a feeling of profound disappointment. My memories of this evening are bleak and troubling, and I can only hope that with time, they will fade away.
