Imagine being served a terrible meal by waiters who genuinely think they’re serving you something amazing. This is the reality of Le Cinq, the flagship three-star Michelin restaurant at the George V Hotel in Paris. My recent experience at Le Cinq was the worst restaurant experience I’ve endured in my 18 years as a food critic.
This is a true “achievement” of sorts, and I will explain why.
A Grand Illusion
I decided to visit Le Cinq as a reality check after receiving many reader complaints about the cost of eating out. I thought it would be a fun observational piece, a glimpse into the world of luxury, where the price tag justifies the experience. I imagined it would be whimsical, even outrageous.
Instead, I found myself utterly disappointed by the food.
A Room for the Rich and Shameless
The dining room is a grand space of high ceilings and thick carpets designed to muffle any complaints. It’s decorated in muted tones of taupe, biscuit, and a subtle but potent “fuck you” to the everyday diner. The gilt accents are a reminder that this is a room designed for those who are unfamiliar with guilt. The ostentatious display of wealth is palpable; the stool for a lady’s handbag is just one example of the excess on display.
Imagine a room where money speaks louder than words.
A Menu That Shocks the Wallet
Menus the size of a coffee table book are brought to the table. My companion was given a menu without prices. The waiters were baffled by our protest and provided us with a priced menu. I suspect many diners would prefer not to see the eye-watering prices. Starters and mains cost anywhere from €70 to €140, which translates to roughly £121 for a single plate of food.
Even the most expensive bottle of champagne is relatively cheap in comparison to the menu prices.
A Culinary Deception
The meal starts with canapés and amuse-bouches, pre-desserts and bread served with a generous dose of attitude. The pastries are the only things that are genuinely enjoyable. There is a flaky brioche, a tart with whipped chicken liver mousse, and a selection of chocolates.
It’s a shame that the rest of the meal doesn’t live up to the high standards set by the pastry chef.
Modernist Mishaps
The first canapé is a transparent ball on a spoon, meant to “spherify”, a technique popularized by Ferran Adrià at El Bulli 20 years ago. However, this attempt at culinary innovation is disastrous, resulting in a stale, ginger-infused gel that pops in your mouth.
My companion aptly described it as a “condom that’s been left lying about in a dusty greengrocer’s.”
A Symphony of Sourness
Another canapé, a tuile enclosing scallop mush, introduces us to the kitchen’s obsession with acidity. This is not the bright, aromatic acidity of yuzu, but a blunt, harsh acidity that feels like a chemical attack on the palate.
I’m beginning to think that the chefs here have never tasted a fruit in their lives.
A Bitter Aftertaste
The amuse-bouche is a halved passionfruit filled with a watercress purée. The purée is incredibly bitter, and it completely overpowers the passionfruit.
It’s like eating a mouthful of nettles*. *
A Culinary Catastrophe
The cheapest starter, gratinated onions, is described as having the flavor of French onion soup. Instead, it is black, sticky, and burnt, with spherified balls of onion purée that burst jarringly in your mouth. A dish of raw scallops with sea urchin ice cream is another culinary disaster. The iodine flavor is overwhelming.
The sea urchin ice cream might be innovative, but it’s hardly revolutionary. The dish feels like a rehash of a 90s Iron Chef recipe*. *
A Bird That Flies Away
The pigeon is served raw, with a brutally acidic Japanese pear and more of the watercress purée. A heap of couscous with a tiny portion of lamb is flavorless and comes with gummy purées, unpleasant spherifications of lamb stock, and mushy, one-note merguez sausages.
I’m starting to wonder if the chefs here are actually trying to sabotage my meal.
A Dessert Disgrace
The dessert, a frozen chocolate mousse cigar wrapped in tuile, is fine, except for the elastic flap of milk skin that looks like it’s fallen off a burns victim. The cheesecake, with lumps of frozen parsley powder, is unforgivable.
Parsley is delicious with fish, but in cheesecake? It’s a crime against humanity*. *
A Costly Mistake
The champagne, white wine, and red wine are chosen for us by the sommelier from a wine list that includes bottles for €15,000. The alcohol bill comes to €170, and the total bill is €600.
Every single thing I ate at Skosh, a restaurant that costs a sixth of the price, was better than this meal. This is a complete and utter rip-off*. *
A Moment of Reflection
I have spent similar sums on restaurant experiences before, and I have never regretted it. But those restaurants were good. Le Cinq will leave me with bleak and troubling memories.
I hope, with time, I will be able to forget this culinary nightmare*. *
The Truth in Pictures
Some readers may notice a discrepancy between my description of the onion dish and the photo of it, which appears to be golden and beautiful. Le Cinq refused to let us photograph their food, as we usually do after a review, instead insisting we use press shots.
This is highly unusual. It seems like Le Cinq is trying to hide the truth about their food.
Beyond Le Cinq: A Glimpse of Hope
There are other restaurants in Paris that deserve your attention. The Hemingway Bar at the Ritz Hotel is a cozy and charming spot with fabulous cocktails.
If you’re looking for a more enjoyable and affordable dining experience in Paris, look no further than the Hemingway Bar.
This is a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of expensive restaurants. Just because a restaurant has a Michelin star doesn’t mean it’s worth the price tag. Do your research before you spend a fortune on a meal. You might be surprised by what you find.
