Breakfast is my favorite meal. It’s the only meal of the day when you can’t indulge in a glass of wine (unless it’s Christmas or you’re a Brit at an airport). While I’m drawn to the classic British fry-up, the French breakfast, with its sweet and satisfying flavors, is equally appealing, if not more so.
The Sweet Side of the Morning
The full English is a hearty affair, meant to satisfy a craving for salty, fatty protein. It’s the perfect antidote to a night of excessive indulgence. The French breakfast, on the other hand, is a sweet affair, centered around rich breads and pastries. Croissants, brioche, pain au lait – and their countless variations, filled with chocolate, nuts, fruit, or crème pâtissière – grace the windows of bakeries and tempt your taste buds.
Baguette Bliss
As a purist, I prefer a simple baguette, generously slathered with salty butter and topped with homemade jam. It’s my idea of pure bliss.
The French Breakfast Paradox
Beyond the food itself, the French breakfast is a relaxed affair, with fewer cultural pitfalls for the uninitiated. Well, almost. The French love their oversized bowls for their morning beverages. I once made the mistake of using one for cereal, receiving a withering stare in return. (Yes, you can eat cereal in France. There’s no croissant-enforcing squad yet.)
The Dunking Dilemma
However, a peculiar habit threatens to disrupt this idyllic breakfast scene. It’s something I’ve come to dread – a French breakfast tradition that leaves me utterly bewildered.
The Shocking Revelation
Having moved to France, I was enjoying breakfast with a charming Frenchman whom, for the sake of privacy, I’ll call Louis-Philippe-Jean-Claude. Over coffee, pastries, and conversation, he did something utterly commonplace to him but deeply shocking to me. He dunked his baguette in his coffee.
A Food Crime
Now, I’m no snob. I enjoy a good dunk as much as anyone. But I’ve never seen anyone willingly submerge bread in a liquid before. Dropping pizza in a puddle, sure. Crying into cake, well, who hasn’t? But intentionally making bread soggy? That’s a food crime in my book.
The Science of Dunking
What’s wrong with dunking a baguette? You might ask if you’re mad or French. In two words: sludgy deposits. Dunking is only acceptable with hard biscuits that hold their shape when immersed in hot liquid. It’s a simple matter of science. Leave a biscuit in too long, and it becomes saturated and breaks apart, forming a slurry at the bottom of your cup. This is a real risk with hard biscuits like digestives. But dunking a crumbly, flaky baguette is sheer folly.
A National Obsession
Initially, I thought it was a personal quirk. But I was wrong. Not only was LPJC unrepentant about his bread-wetting, but entire swathes of the French population – decent, well-mannered adults – do the same. I’ve witnessed it in homes, hotels, and cafes across France: croissants in hot chocolate, brioche in tea. There’s no end to the dunking madness.
Literary Infamy
One of French literature’s most famous passages is even about inappropriate dunking. In Proust’s A la recherche du temps perdu, the author remembers dunking a madeleine in tea. A soft, crumbly madeleine, for heaven’s sake!
At least Proust had the decency to use a spoon, avoiding a direct dunk in the cup.
The Ultimate Dunking Sin
And if you think things couldn’t get worse, wait until you hear this. Like LPJC, many French people dunk buttered bread in their drinks. Imagine the impact of hot liquid on that butter. You’ll soon have a slick of grease coating your drink – a giant oil spill without the devastated marine life.
The French Dunking Bowls
If there’s one good thing about this peculiar habit, it explains the oversized bowls the French use for their drinks. They provide ample space for extra-large dunks. After all, how else would you fit a baguette in an ordinary mug?
An Enduring Habit
Eight years later, LPJC still occasionally dunks. Our children have yet to embrace the habit, but I’ve come to accept the inevitable. Just at the breakfast table, mind you.
A Word of Caution
Should you ever discuss this topic with a Frenchman, be aware that the French translation for “dunk your biscuit” has a similar meaning to “dipping one’s wick”. You’ve been warned.
The Great Dunking Debate
Is it just me, or does dunking a baguette seem utterly unnatural? Maybe you’re one of those people who hate all forms of dunking. Or maybe I should just get over myself and try it? Let me know your thoughts in the comments. Don’t forget to like and share if you enjoyed this hilarious tale of breakfast and dunking.
A version of this post originally appeared in The Local.
